“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”

21 Feb
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Etsy by DaisyChic

Hello my fabulous Glitterati… Long time no BLOG! I know, you can’t believe it, after nearly 2 weeks of web silence… I think I am back.  I’m pretty sure I’ve decided for this post, I might get a little more personal, and share with you what I’ve learned in these last two weeks… because yes, it is certainly surprising what you can learn in two weeks when life manages to throw you a few curve balls… Sometimes, even in spite of all your best efforts, it’s hard to find your happiness DARN IT!

About a year and a half ago, I lost one of the best friends of my life, very suddenly.  And I am telling you this because this week, I’ve thought about my dear friend Christine quite a bit and was reminded of some of the best lessons we learned together in our 10-year friendship…  To start, I remember talking to Christine once about some of the struggles we have endured in our lives, and how now and then, no matter how much work is done to heal; emotionally, through therapy, or just via the wonderful nature of time and growth, sometimes these struggles of our youths or those of our lives can suddenly and without warning come right back to rear their ugly little heads.

I remember describing it to Christine, one day when she was nursing some of her own ‘stuff’, as a deep wound that has been mended and even though the pain is gone and the skin is smooth something large or small happens in life, and almost if by magic the wound is reopened and you have to deal with it.  This is just part of life, and it’s good to be aware of those spots in our lives so we can remember two things: 1) Time will heal most things, including re-opened wounds (thank the Lord!) and 2) “Be kind; Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle (Plato).”

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These last 2 weeks have been hard for me, some of my oldest and newest wounds were reopened, and I just wasn’t prepared.  And, life being… well, life, my husband was also having a difficult two weeks too.  If any of you are married to your best friend like I am, this means you take on your spouse’s burden too, and vise versa… The good news is, generally, we can lean on each other, another lesson I learned from my friend Christine “We can’t all collapse at the same time, we need to fall apart at different times so we can slap each other out of it!” Of course, sometimes this just doesn’t happen, and the people we normally lean into are struggling too… Which can make things much more difficult.

Next, an ugly situation arose… A person who I use to call friend, committed what in my eyes is an “Unforgivable Curse” (I may be watching too much Harry Potter).  After standing up for what I felt was right in an uncomfortable situation (and to be fair this person thought they were doing the same thing as well) this … ehem, friend, basically slandered my FULL name on The Facebook. I was so saddened and mortified… But I learned a few things from this that I want to share with you all, I think they are things you already know, but I realized I hadn’t really ever thought about them… 1) DO NOT EVER POST SOMEONE’S NAME IN A PUBLIC FORUM SO THAT YOU CAN FEEL VALIDATED, no matter how wronged you may feel.  It’s just not right, and that is all I have to say about that.  2) If one of your friends doesn’t follow rule number #1 and slanders a friend, or a person in a public forum, think about what I am about to say.  Most likely, you do not know both sides of the story, so commenting in a negative manor, or ‘liking’ said post, doesn’t really do anything positive for the poster, even if you feel that you are helping.  How would you feel if the rolls were reversed? 3) Stand up for yourself! It’s not ok to give in to people who bully you!!  This is what was so sad about this post, I felt as if this person didn’t get what they wanted, to so they decided to potentially harm me emotionally, or even professionally.

Winston Churchill once said “You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” While I don’t think one should go about making enemies, and you must always ask yourself how an enemy was created and take responsibility on your end if you did wrong in YOUR EYES; it’s taken me a long time to be ok with having them.  You just can’t please everyone all of the time and still have a life that is fulfilling FOR YOU.  And trust me here, no one but you is accountable for the life you live and the happiness you obtain therein.  I read something along these lines in a commencement speech once, which unfortunately I cannot find, but these words really put my heart at ease, simply because it’s the TRUTH!  It’s OK to be disliked by some people; sometimes it’s just a byproduct of standing up for yourself, or standing strong for something you believe in. (However, it’s not an excuse to be a jerk 🙂 )

At the end of these weeks, both my hubby and me were just feeling drained, or what my beloved Lucy from ‘I Love Lucy’ would say “BLAHHHHHH”. The two of us had a full-blown case of the Blahs. I might even use the word depressed… Yep, I know, this beacon of happiness got VERY BLUE, and I knew it, but I couldn’t get out of it… So I put some plans in action!!

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First, I took stock of what I had; one of the things that literally touched me into tears was that some people had stood up for me in the afore mentioned post.  Really, people didn’t have to, they really didn’t… I mean these were brave people to speak out against this, and when I saw it, I was so uplifted.  And that was step one; Next, I decided I needed a break, and so, even though I hated to do it because I LOVE my clients, and of course it’s how I pay my bills, I decided to take a day off.  I cannot tell you how an impromptu day off can lift the spirits…  It did so in the same way I always say a good night’s sleep or a nice hot shower does.  Finally, my hubby and I decided to not watch anything on T.V. that would jostle our delicate senses… So we watched Harry Potter… full of childlike fantasy and magic, it took our minds right off the daily stresses and helped lighten the mood.

Just to round it out, here is the biggest secret for getting out of the blues, and it’s something you already know, something I already knew, and something I talked in depth about with my dear friend days before she passed.  The secret is to let go of what you cannot control.  And what dear friends can you control? Not a thing. NOT A THING.  This IS easier said than done, and really it can’t be forced, you have to go through the range of emotions, even if you have it in your head and know it to be true, you have to arrive at the place of letting-go before the burden of a bad day or a week can suddenly and swiftly take flight from your being.

So here I am, sharing this with you, in case any of you are having a hard time or will and hopefully these words will bring you comfort.  It’s going to be ok. I promise. It really is, things tend to end up in the rights. Take care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself and your support. Ask for help, even if it’s just an ear, or someone to make you dinner… It’s ok if someone doesn’t like you. You’ll live, and they’ll live. Sometimes it can be fixed, and sometimes it just can’t, and that’s ok too. You’re going to be ok.

Happy Thursday Everyone!

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One Response to ““You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.””

  1. cbly February 21, 2013 at 1:56 PM #

    I’m sorry it’s been a difficult two weeks for you, Paige. Excellent, heartfelt post – I love the quotes as well as your touching words. Thanks for writing for all of us

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